


The Devil, I am

by AMac0218



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 06:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMac0218/pseuds/AMac0218
Summary: Just a little idea I had based on the Netflix Season 4 promo photo with the Devil wings. Again, please know, I'm terrible at summaries...What if in season 4, Lucifer lost his Angel wings and instead got the monster like 'Devil' wings Lucifer is always pictured with because he feels that's what he is now based on Chloe's initial reaction to seeing his face?





	The Devil, I am

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I'm terrible with summaries. I hope you enjoy this oneshot anyway...

Lucifer stood up from Marcus' body before he turned when he heard heels on the marble floor. He saw Chloe coming down the stairs and he felt relief flood through him. She was unharmed. She was safe. And Marcus was gone. He noticed the look on her face though, and he frowned in confusion, “Detective?”

“It’s all true…” Chloe gasped as she stared at him and took a small step backward. The fear in her eyes hurt more than all the bullets that were fired at his wings.

When the LAPD infiltrated the building and stormed into the room they were in, he chose the moment Chloe to turned around to disappear in an instant.

He landed in his penthouse, unable to decipher what emotions were flooding through him.

He threw everything he could get his hands on, tossing his tumblers, his liquor, smashing the mirrors behind the bar. He picked up his couch and threw it across the room, tossing one of his tables with one hand. By the time he was done, the penthouse looked like a warzone; shattered glass from one end to the other and holes in whatever marble he could reach.

Lucifer ended up on his knees, his breathing coming in short fast gasps and felt as his world falling down around him. He put his head in his hands and yelled, the sound almost shaking the entire building. His wings exploded from his back as his fingers tightened around his head, digging into his blood red skin as his feathers fell out like snow and the bones broke and cracked beneath his skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So...Lucifer, what seems to be the problem?” Linda asked as she sat across from the Devil who was stretched out on her couch. His hands were up, elbows on the cushions, fingertips templed against each other as he stared at the ceiling. “You’ve never been this quiet for this long. Ever,” she gave a nervous little laugh.

“I’m a monster,” was his whispered answer.

“No you aren't. We’ve been over this before…”

“But I _am_ .” His voice was dark, dangerous, and Linda had to be careful not to show the shiver that ran down her spine. He turned his head to the side to look at her. “ _She_ thinks I am. Ever since she saw my face she thinks I am…”

And so he was.

He ground his teeth together as he sat up and put his feet on the ground so he could face her as he sat, his upper lip twitching. “She saw my face...and she thinks I’m a monster…. _knows_ that I’m a monster. And she’s right...isn’t she?” The skin on his face seemed to be licked by fire underneath as his eyes flickered red. “Isn’t she!?” 

“No you’re not,” she said again.

He growled, his fingers tightening into balled fists, muscles tensing up as he stood. “And what makes you so sure? Hm?”

His shoulders rolled as his wings unfurled from his back, causing Linda to gasp and bring her hand to her chest, the other going to her mouth. “Lucifer.”

The wings were large, the tips touching the opposite walls as he stretched them out. His wings looked like blackened leather at the arches and completely featherless with five finger like sections that separated them. Between the digits was velvety smooth deep red skin and black veins that coursed blood to the edges and back. They resembled bat’s wings. Demon’s wings.

The _Devil’s_ wings.

Gone were his Angel’s wings. The downy feathers, the dazzling white primaries and secondaries that gave off their own glow.

Gone was the warmth and in its place was cold.

“What happened?” Linda asked.

“I’m a monster, that’s what _happened_ . I’m _finally_ the monster everyone always said I was…”

“Lucifer…” Linda said as she frowned. “She doesn’t think you’re a monster.”

“ _You didn’t see her_ !” he shouted, the black wings moving and widening as he did. “You didn’t see the way she looked when she _finally_ saw me...The _real me_ ,” he said, his voice deep and gravelly again.

His upper lip trembled as he breathed in and out through his nose. He tried to keep the anger on his face, but all Linda saw was a broken man.

An Angel who’d finally fallen.

“Lucifer…” she said again, her voice quiet as she stood and went over to him. “You know how this works...” she murmured. “This,” she gestured at the wings, “this is how you see yourself now, that doesn’t mean it’s who you are..”

He didn’t say anything but his silence and the way he kept his eyes from meeting hers spoke volumes.

“Lucifer, it’s been two weeks….Give her time to adjust…She’s not going to run away...She’s not going to abandon you...She doesn’t see you as a monster. You need to give her time, and you need to give _yourself_ time.” Linda reached up and turned his face, her fingers around his chin, forcing him to look at her. “Go home. Pour yourself a drink. Play your piano. When Chloe is ready, she’ll come talk to you. She always does.”

Lucifer's muscles jumped at the angle of his jaw as he nodded and gave her a half of a smile, though it was far from convincing.

His wings disappeared as he rolled his shoulders and he fixed his suit, pulling the jacket forward so it fit better across his back. He cleared his throat and ran his hand down his face, double checking to make sure his skin had stayed its usual tanned self. He then headed out of Linda’s office and got into his Corvette and drove back to Lux.

He sighed as he sat behind his piano in his penthouse, the entire floor having been repaired. His fingers were poised on the keys, drink on the lid, his cigarette burning in a holder right next to it, though no music came out. He just stared, shifting between the cigarette and the drink.

Which was where Chloe found him an hour later. Lucifer reached out and picked up another cigarette that was burning, pulling it to his lips and taking a drag from it before he tapped off some of the ash and set it back down. He’d been so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard the blonde come in.

Chloe watched from the elevator as the doors closed behind her, her hands folded in front of her, fingers laced, taking him in. His shoulders were slumped and he no longer had the posture he once did. This posture made it seem like he wanted to disappear into himself.

She cleared her throat, causing the Devil to stiffen, his back now ramrod straight.

He turned slowly, his dark eyes wide like a deep caught in the headlights. “Detective…” he said quietly as she folded her arms across her chest now, creating a physical barrier between them. And the action struck Lucifer in the chest causing his heart to ache. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. “Detective what are you doing here?”

“I uh..” she shrugged. “Dan has Trixie tonight and I just…” She missed him. They’d been apart for two weeks. _Fourteen days_. She missed her partner.

Lucifer blinked at her a few times, completely surprised that she was here. “Did….Linda send you?”

“No...why would she?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat as he shifted where he was, his brows furrowed. He stayed where he was, his hand on the keyboard lid that he’d closed. “Do you...Would you like something to drink?” he asked as he got up, but kept space between them.

“Yes. Please,” she nodded.

Lucifer picked up his glass from the piano and went to the bar, actually going behind it, again to keep a physical barrier between them since that seemed to be something Chloe wanted. He poured her a new glass and topped off his own before he set hers on the bar top and pulled his hand away. He sipped his drink silently trying to ignore the tension that was so thick it almost seemed to weigh him down.

“I’m sorry…” Chloe broke the quiet, causing him to look at her like she’d grown three heads.

“You’re apologizing? What for?”

“Because I…” she sighed, looking at her drink before she took a mouthful of it and set the glass back on the bar top, her hands wrapped around it. “Because I treated you like shit...because I...didn’t believe you from the beginning and then when I finally saw,” she gestured to his face with her hand, “when I finally saw you, I was...scared..”

He felt that ache right behind his ribs again when she said he was scared. He’d asked her that once, if he scared her. And she told him no. Her answer surprised him then, but now it didn’t. It was what he expected from the beginning. 

“Detective I don’t...blame you for being a-afraid of me..” He struggled to get the words out before he looked at her again.

“I’m not afraid of you, Lucifer.”

His eyes widened again and he blinked a few times.

“I was scared at the time...It’s not exactly something you see everyday, you know? But I’m not afraid of you,” she said quietly, causing him to blink again.

“I don’t...understand…”

“Okay uhm..” she sighed. She got up and walked around the bar slowly, though she had the feeling that this might be a bad idea. There was no way for him to escape if he wanted to, the back end of the bar closed. “Okay so when Trixie was little...I took her to this amusement park and she was just old enough to ride the roller coaster, and that was all she talked about. Wanting to ride the roller coaster...and she kept saying it over and over…” Chloe took another step toward him. “And when we got to the roller coaster, and she saw how high up the first drop was, she got scared...She froze up. Didn’t even want to get in line.”

Lucifer watched her, wanting to take a step back, but she seemed keen on continuing toward him, though he was starting to curl into himself again like a frightened wild animal.

“I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she was scared...So I said, baby we can turn around and try again another time…there’s nothing wrong with being scared…but you don't have to be afraid of it....So...we went home...and the next morning she asked to go back. She told me that she stayed up all night thinking about what she’d miss out on if she let her being scared control everything...She agreed that there wasn’t anything to be afraid of.”

“What the bloody hell is the difference? I’m not a roller coaster, Detective, you can’t look at the face of the Devil and just...think it’s nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s nothing.” Of course the analogy went over his head. They always did. “Lucifer you’re not listening. Being afraid...that’s...different than being scared.”

“There synonyms.”

“No you,” she sighed again, ending in a small growl. “No….you aren’t understanding what I’m saying...I was scared...I went home and I thought about it and I figured out that there’s nothing to be afraid of...nothing to be scared of. I was scared for a little while, but I wasn't afraid. Being afraid is something worse...Something more....long term....It means being filled with fear, and I'm not,” she told him. “I’ve been with you for years and you’ve never...ever hurt me...You’ve protected me...kept me safe, kept my daughter safe...You punish the people who deserve it. I know that...and I’m _not_ afraid of you. I've never been afraid of you.”

Silence settled between them again as he let her words process in his head as she continued to move toward him. His eyes were cast sideways to the elevator, just looking at it as she pressed forward. He didn’t notice how close she was until her hands were on his face.

When her palms cupped his cheeks, he sagged forward, almost like the weight of the world had been lifted from him and he was able to finally relax. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, trying to ignore the burning behind his eyes. “Chloe…” he said her name in a broken whisper as he almost swayed forward.

“I’m not afraid,” she said again, her voice strong and steadfast.

“I’m a monster…”

“No you’re not..” She said as she lifted his head, bending her knees just enough to catch his eyes. “Not to me…” A small smile moved over her face as she repeated the words she’d told him before their world seemed to implode.

She ran her fingers through his hair, the other hand still against his face as her thumb brushed along his cheek, tracing the stubble. “I want you to show me again..” she said quietly, causing him to stand up straight and clench his teeth.

“No.”

“Lucifer, please…please, I need to see your face again...please.”

He hesitated, his eyes searching her face, showing every emotion he was feeling.

“I’m not going to run. I promise.” She promised. And like him she always kept her word.

He sighed through his nose as he closed his eyes and allowed his human face to fall away, the red burned skin taking over. Chloe took in a breath as she gasped as she furrowed her brows. “Does it hurt?”

“Does what hurt?”

She took a step forward and tried to swallow the feeling of being scared down. There was nothing to be scared of. This was Lucifer. Her Lucifer. Her partner. She reached up again and held his face between her hands without hesitation. “Does this...hurt? Is it hurting you?”

“No,” he said, as his heart skipped a beat before he again leaned forward toward her, his eyes fluttering closed. “Not anymore..” he murmured. “How can you not...be afraid of me?” he asked again, still not getting it.

Chloe let out a breath of a laugh through her nose as she shook her head, “Because you’re you...you’ve _always_ been you….The way you look isn’t going to change who you are.”

She leaned forward and set her forehead against his own, her own eyes closing as well as she let out a breath that mingled with his. Her hands slid to the back of his neck, thumbs resting on his jawline. “Let me see the rest of you..” she said.

“Detective…” Wasn’t this enough? She saw his face, and now she wanted to see his wings? How would she feel? Seeing the horrors that sprung from his back. The bat wings that were the norm of every horror movie, or every dark passage in any religious piece of text where he was depicted.

“Lucifer...Please,” she said again.

Another breath left his nose as his forehead still pressed to hers. He threw caution to the wind and unfurled his wings. He felt Chloe pull away and he flinched at her gasp. “They’re beautiful..”

“They’re _what_?” There was disbelief in his tone. He turned his head and looked over his shoulder at the appendages at his back.

Warm light emanated from the large white wings that arched upward to the ceiling, the tips of the primaries touching the floor. The feathers were perfect, smoothed and evenly spaced, nothing bent or overgrown. No missing patches. Not a single trace of the black wings he’d had before.

He turned back to Chloe again, his eyes searching every inch of her face as she reached up, her fingertips brushing along the dark stubble that appeared on his cheeks again. He smiled at her before she wrapped her arms around him, her hand burying itself in the thick dark hair on his head as she held him close, his own arms going tight around her waist. He turned his face and rested it in the crook of her neck and for the first time in weeks he let out a laugh that rang out through the penthouse.


End file.
